Love is more than a Box of Chocolates

Soon after the ringing in of the new year, stores transform from the green and red of the Christmas season to the pink and heart-shaped Valentine season. Men are told that it is a time of “love.” A time when buying roses, chocolates, or some other gift signifies our love for a significant other. For children, the common tradition is the exchanging of small cards. These cards usually have, “Be Mine,” or “Your My Valentine” or some other type of sentiment. Whether it is the small cards, a dozen red roses, or a special piece of jewelry, the culture works hard to convince that this is a sign of love for another. We hear “love” thrown around everywhere during this season.

When considering the idea of love, it is interesting to see how love is defined culturally versus how it is described spiritually. In many translations of the Bible, the first mention of the word “love” is in Genesis 22. Here Abraham is told to take the child he “loves” and sacrifice him to God. As the story goes, Abraham obeys to the point of raising the knife to sacrifice his son. God sees his faith and provides a ram to sacrifice in place of Isaac, his son. Can you imagine doing that to someone you “love”? This does not sound like chocolate and roses.

Love finds it way throughout our faith. We are told by Jesus that the two greatest commandments are to love God and love our neighbors (cf. Matthew 22:37-39). Jesus even tells his disciples (John 13:35) that we would be known as a His follower by how we love. As men in the 21st century, what should love look like? We know what the culture tells us, but how can culture be changed to better reflect the love of Christ? There are many potential examples that could be given, but below are some thoughts for husbands, fathers, and single men. Saying “yes” to the fight for families often begins with simple acts of “love.”

Husbands, we are to love our wives as Christ loved the church (see Ephesians 5:25). We are to nourish her and care for her so that we can present her to the church without spot or blemish. This is, of course, referring to our wives’ spiritual cleanliness. Christ loved the church by sacrificing himself for her good. This means that we must sacrifice our desires for the betterment of our wives. This could include praying with or for her, showing deference to her and her needs, especially her spiritual needs, versus doing what we would like to do. It means showing respect for her in our words and actions. It means giving to her when we do not feel like giving. Showing love to our wives in such a manner is the front-line of the battle for families.

Fathers, we are to love our children, which requires us to raise them in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. St. Paul instructed the Ephesians for us to not provoke our children to anger (Ephesians 6:4). This means that when we correct them, we should do so lovingly and with intent of making them saints. As fathers, the most important task we have is to train the next generation of Christ-followers. We can show them love in many ways. First, how we talk about their mother is an important witness to Christ. Ensuring we are charitable in our conversations teaches them how to love. Second, praying with and for them. Third, encouraging them to engage in acts of love for others will help them to see that we value these actions. It may be simply writing and mailing a note to a family member, helping out with a widow’s yard work, taking out the elderly neighbor’s trash. No matter the act of love, if the children see you, their father, doing these acts, they will follow. Each act of love is a victory in the battle for souls!

Single men, what’s love got to do with it? If we are not married or dating, how are we supposed to show love? There is no limit to what can be done. Ensuring you are showing love to your immediate family would be one place to start. This may be simply a quick call or text to let them know you are thinking of them. Other things could be as simple as holding a door for someone, putting a fellow shopper’s cart away, paying for the drink of the person behind you in the drive-thru, or simply just smiling at passers-by. As a single man, there is still great power in self-giving love. It strengthens the resolve of others because they see this man showing kindness toward others.

Showing true Christian love means to sacrifice self for the betterment of others. Love does not need to be a financially expensive action. Rather, we can show love through prayer, touch, or deed. The primary requirement is that we have willed action that seeks the best for another.

Yes to Action. There are unlimited examples of actions that can show love. Here are a few examples. If there is a need you are aware of that you have been neglecting to meet, tell the person with the need a date you intend to address it. By doing so, you are making yourself accountable to that person. If someone has requested your prayers and you have failed to pray, pray for them today. Follow this up with a text letting them know you were praying for them (or just the praying hands emoji). If you have been too busy to slow down for those who love you, set a 10-, 20-, or 30-minute timer, put away your phone, and be present until the timer goes off.

If you are unsure of what you can do, simply pray, “In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit. Amen. Dear Lord, I desire to show love to others in order to build Your Kingdom. Inspire me throughout this day to know who is in need of a loving action. Give me the courage to show each person the love You inspire me to show. Allow me the Graces needed to change the culture through small acts of love. May You be glorified through all I do. In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit. Amen.”

The Importance of Obedience

How many times do we want our children to be obedient? How many times do we want our employees, co-workers, other drivers, pretty much anyone to be obedient? It would be safe to say about 99.9999% of the time! The question that should be asked is, “How often should I be obedient?” We may say, of course, always. In reality, the answer would be, “well, it depends.” Essentially, we obey when thought necessary and do not obey when we think we can get away with being disobedient. As an example, we may drive 63 mph in a 55 mph zone…because, “eight your fine and nine your mine!” But, when we have a police car near us, ironically, we tend to reduce our speed to 60 mph or even 55 mph. Why are we like this? Because we are humans and humans like to push the limits of obedience. Obedience to the laws of God should be our primary focus, but it is often difficult to remember this because there is not a speed limit sign telling us what to do.

As was discussed in the previous posts, the fall of mankind began with disobedience. The redemption of mankind came through obedience. The Feast of the Presentation (a.k.a., Candlemas), February 2nd, represents 40 days past Christmas. Mary, the Mother of Jesus, and Joseph, in humble obedience went to the temple to present the offerings required by the law (Leviticus 12:2-8; Luke 2:22-40). This act of obedience to God’s Law is amazing because they did not have to do it. Did they really need to “present” Jesus back to the Father? Of course not, but they obeyed because it was God’s Law.

We have evidence of Jesus being obedient throughout the Gospels. For example, he was obedient to his father and mother (Luke 2:51-52), paying the temple tax (Matthew 17:24-27), paying secular taxes (Mark 12:13-17), even answering his accusers (e.g., before the High Priest [Matthew 26:57-67], before Pilate [Matthew 27:11-14; Luke 23:3]), God’s perfect Will (Luke 22:42-44), and even to death (Luke 23:46). It is reported by Paul that Jesus obeyed humbly to the point of one of the most horrific and embarrassing forms of death (see Philippians 2:7-9).

It is true that none of us are neither the Holy Family nor Jesus. So, what can we do to work toward greater obedience to God? As with any journey, it has to begin with a first step. This first step may look different according to our vocation in life. Nonetheless, there is something we all can do. If men could grow in obedience toward God’s Law, culture will change. The next few paragraphs give ideas of first steps we can attempt. You may be able to think of many more that are relevant to you and your vocation.

Married Men can consider Colossians 3:19, which instructs husbands never to treat their wives harshly. Perhaps, the first step toward obedience is to consider how we talk to our wives. Most husbands are not physically or verbally abusive to their wives; however, harshness can creep in through other ways (e.g., being condescending, snarky, speaking against them to others). As a first step, ask the Holy Spirit to strengthen you to speak to your wife only through love and respect. Remember, our children are more likely to speak to their spouse in the same way we speak to our spouse.

Fathers could consider the next verse in Colossians (v. 21). It talks about provoking our children. We want to consider if we are provoking our children to “lose heart” or promoting them to becoming disciplined (i.e., well-trained) Christians. If you are having lots of negative interactions with your children, a good first step is to purposefully seek one positive interaction with your children per day. Perhaps, you could simply give them a hug and tell them you love them. Even if your children are adults, a phone call (better than text) or voicemail stating your thankfulness for them will begin to increase your obedience to God’s Law.

Single Men, consider what St. Paul wrote to Timothy (1 Timothy 6:20). The instructions were to avoid profane chatter and contradictions. Avoiding profane chatter can be difficult, especially if your family and friends engage in such. Your first step could be to quickly change the subject as your friends begin to engage in profane chatter.

There are a lot of other things we can do. If we expect others to obey 99.9999% of the time, let us begin to strive for the same percentage as it relates to God’s Law. The final fight will require the soldiers to be obedient to the Law. Let’s begin today.

Saying Yes to Action: Start today by doing something that is obedient to God’s Law. Perhaps try one of the suggestions above. Maybe read one verse of the Bible listed here. Alternatively, you could pray with your wife, family, or friends. Maybe you need to go to Confession, or begin attending church every Sunday.

If you are unsure of what you can do, simply pray, “In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit, Amen. Dear Lord, please send the Holy Spirit to inspire me with an idea of how I can be more obedient to Your Law. Guide my thoughts so that I can see where I am being disobedient, and grant me the Grace and Courage to become more obedient. I want to be more like Jesus and the Holy Family. I trust You will lead me to Truth and obedience. Prepare me for this fight. Amen. In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit, Amen.”

Why Fatima and Why This Blog?

During the throes of one of the worst worldwide calamities (World War I), in an unremarkable town in Portugal, a series of events occurred that shaped much of the 20th century. These events, perhaps one of the most written about religious phenomena of the 20th century, centered around the apparition (appearing) of Mary, the Mother of Jesus, to three shepherd children in Fatima, Portugal, between May and October of 1917. Who would have guessed that three children under the age of 12 would experience such a Heavenly wonder and would be a hinge that swung open a door to understanding so much that would occur later in history. These events have spawned numerous books, several movies, documentaries, blogs, conference presentations, and countless conversations.

For those reading this without an understanding or prior knowledge of the events of Fatima, this is in no way is this meant to be a complete treatise about these events. Please search online for more information that can take you deeper into the mysteries revealed in Fatima. You can find information both for and against the legitimacy of the events. It is always good to ask the Holy Spirit and your Guardian Angel to help you discern Truth as you look at both sides of the story. Only with the help of the gifts of the Holy Spirit (Wisdom, Understanding, Knowledge, Council, Fortitude, Piety, and Fear of the Lord) can we truly discern Truth in these times of great deceit.

While there is a wealth of information given to the children during the apparitions, the reason for starting this site and blog is due to one piece of that information. It was reported by Lucia (the eldest of the children and the only one to live to adulthood) that the final battle between Satan and Our Lord will be against marriage and the family. Boy, if that is not happening in today’s world. Seeing the systematic breakdown of the family over the course of the past 50 years is incredibly troubling. Knowing how society has slowly eroded the role of the family in daily life, as well as the steady depiction of men and fathers as everything from bumbling idiots to perpetual children to mysogonystic tyrants, it gives that much more validity to the prophecy given to Lucia.

Learning of this information provided to Lucia sparked a revelation for the need for men, husbands, and fathers, to take back our role as the spiritual leaders of our homes. Now, it is important to say that nothing written here will be anti-woman, anti-child, anti-family, but it will be anti-Satan! When God created man and woman, He said it was good. He instructed us, commanded us to be fruitful and multiply. Therefore, to be in God’s Will, married men need to support their wives and fathers need to support their children. All men need to pray for each other.

This introductory post is, by God’s Grace, just the beginning of this journey of saying “Yes” to the battle for marriage and the family. So, please join in this fight. Please be not afraid to be saints (St. John Paul II). Our families, our communities, our nations, and our world needs us to fight this spiritual battle.

Yes to Action: Each post will contain a Yes to Action. It does us no good to “know” something if we do not “do” something. Each of these Yes to Action items will be focused on simple, practical applications of Faith that may require us to pray, act, or do something that can help to shape our families and the world. For this Yes to Action, please simply say a prayer for the first man that comes to your mind. If that man is your father, son, relative, or friend, just ask God to strengthen that man for this fight. If you are unsure how to pray, you can simply say:

In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit. Amen. Heavenly Father, through your Mercy, you have given me N. (say the name of the man) in my life. I pray that You will grant N. the Grace to know You, to hear You, and to obey You. Help me to support N. in his walk with You. Jesus, I plead Your Precious Blood over N. and all of his needs. Protect him from the evil one and grant him the perseverance to fight this fight for his soul, for his family, and for the world. We ask this through the power of the Holy Spirit, who lives and reigns with the Father and Son, one God forever and ever. Amen.

In the Beginning….Adam blamed Eve.

As we begin our basic training for this final battle for the family, we need to go back to the beginning so we can understand how we ended up in this situation. For believers and nonbelievers alike, a likely majority have heard something of the story of Adam and Eve. Whether they represent real people (the belief of the writer) or not (the belief of some scholars), their behavior and choices provide a great example of past and present human behavior.

As the story goes, Adam was created and did not have a worthy partner. This led God to create Eve, who would be a worthy partner for Adam. God created them in His image, male and female. This was the first family. God told them to be fruitful and multiply (we will talk more about this command later). Also, God told them to tend to the Garden in which He had given them. They could eat of any tree in the Garden except one. This means that they had only three rules: 1 - Be fruitful and multiply; 2 - Tend to creation; 3 - Eat of every tree but one. Seems like these were reasonable requests from God.

After an unknown amount of time, the serpent (i.e., Satan) came to Eve and tempted her. He did not tempt her with riches, food, nice clothes (remember they were still naked and unashamed), or any other potential tangible item. He tempted her with Power, Knowledge, and Equality with God. He convinced her of two things. First, that she would be like God if she simply ate of that tree. Second, he convinced Eve that God was against her and did not want her to be like Him. So, Eve took the fruit, ate it, and gave it to Adam to eat as well.

In Genesis 3:6, it specifically states that Adam was with Even when she ate the fruit. We would love to pretend that Adam was not around, Eve was tricked, then Adam swooped in JUUUUUSSSST a bit late to save the day. Unfortunately, this is not how it went down. Adam was there. It reads as if he were there the whole time (i.e., when Satan was tempting Eve). What did Adam do? Apparently, nothing much to stop the temptation, the grabbing of the fruit, the eating of the fruit, or his own taking and ingesting the fruit. Then Adam did the most manly thing he could do….he blamed God for giving him Eve. “Hey, it wasn’t my fault. I would not have done this if you hadn’t made this woman for me!” Dadgummit Adam….you were supposed to be the hero of the story.

Now, we are at the crux of the issue….the first step in our basic training for battle. It is human nature to find someone to blame for our failures. It started all the way back at the beginning. Acknowledging within our roles as men, husbands, and fathers, our lack of initiative can be difficult. Essentially, that was Adam’s issue. He did not take the initiative to stop his wife from committing sin. This fact cannot be overstated. It was not his lack of initiative in keeping the Garden or tending the animals; rather, it was his lack of initiative in spiritual matters that led to this sin.

The takeaway from this short reflection is for us to think through our family’s life to see where we are not taking the initiative in spiritual matters. Are we being “present” like Adam, but not active in preventing sin within our families? Do we see our wife or children engaging with the enemy while we just stand there? In what areas of our life do we see where we can be more active?

Yes to Action: Take nine days (a novena…more on this later) to pray for where you can take the initiative to lead your family. To do this, either mark in on your calendar or set an alarm on your phone to remind you to pray. You can simply pray from your heart, your favorite novena, or use the following:

In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit. Amen. Dear God, You who created man to be a leader of the family, who saw Adam avoid taking the initiative to stop Eve from committing sin, and who loved us enough to free us from our sins through Jesus’ Precious Blood on the cross, please reveal to me the areas in which I am not taking the initiative with my family to help them avoid the unnecessary occasion of sin. Holy Spirit, inspire my thoughts with the areas I need to protect my and my family’s spiritual growth. Animate me to act on the inspiration to lead and protect my family. May Satan and his minions be deaf, dumb, and blind to me and my family so that we can do Your Holy Will. In Jesus’ Most Holy Name. Amen.

Adam’s Punishment and Our Family

Continuing on from the last post, we see Adam and Eve now hidden away with their fig leaves. When we can keep in mind how they were punished for their sins with both temporal (in life) and eternal (in death) punishments, as well as physical (toil to eat) and spiritual (separation from walking with God) punishments, we can understand why they hid from God. Not much different than a three-year-old child who has done something they should not have done…going to hide to try to not be seen by the parent. Even as adults, we still try to hide when we have sinned. In our minds, it is much better to hide away or try to cover it up in some way. Being forthcoming and honest is not an easy way to address our sins, but that is the direction we should be headed.

Back to the story….in handing out punishments, God first dealt with the serpent, then Eve, and finally, Adam was the focus of God’s attention. In this short reflection, we will talk about Adam’s punishments associated with his familial relationships, while the next post will focus on his punishments related to his work.

Adam’s punishment begins with God telling Eve that Adam would rule over her and she would desire him (cf. Genesis 3:16). When you consider this punishment, it is quite ironic. Due to Adam’s passivity, Eve was punished by having a desire for Adam to be active. It also seems to show that our (i.e., men) natural state may be passivity, but it is the supernatural that gives us the ability to be leaders. Nonetheless, the incident with the fruit was a miserable failure to lead, so God punished Eve by giving her a heart that desired for her husband to lead. Adam’s punishment for this was the expectation of his wife that he would lead. Many husbands have faced this reality in which their wife wanted them to be the leader and they did not want to do so.

Verse 17 of Genesis 3 states that God related that it was “because” of Adam listening to Eve and eating the fruit that he will be punished. The use of “because” seems like things would have turned out differently if Adam would have not listened. We do not know what would have happened if Adam would have said “no” to Eve’s offer. We do know what would have happened had he prevented the issue altogether.

In reflecting on this topic, it seems that the issue was not Adam’s work ethic (nothing is mentioned about that). It was not Adam’s ability to do physical things, he was tending the Garden. It was not about Adam’s personality, looks, or any other physical attribute. The issue was spiritual leadership. Adam was punished because he allowed his wife to sin. Of course, Eve had free will, but Adam did not take the spiritual leadership role to encourage her to avoid sin.

This begs to question to us today. What are we doing to take the initiative to lead our families spiritually? In observing the world, we see men being on the sidelines. We see many men not taking the lead to get their families to Mass (or church). We see many men not shaping their children’s spiritual growth. Of course, we will all struggle, as we all have some of Adam in us. This is why we must prepare for battle against our nature of passivity in the spiritual…for our families, for the Church, for the world!

Yes to Action: Due to Adam’s passivity as it is related to sin led to familial punishment. Identify one area of your spiritual life that you are being passive. Maybe you need to take the initiative to lead your family in prayer. This could be even just blessing your food if you do not already do so. Maybe you need to take the initiative to get your family up, dressed, and out the door for Mass. This could mean ironing the clothes the night before so you can leave the house without fussing. Whatever your identified area, just ask God to help you to have the supernatural strength to overcome this passivity. You will be glad you did….remember, this is what your wife desires!

Adam’s Punishment and Our Work

In this final post about Adam and Eve, we will talk about the specific punishment that Adam was given related to the work that he would do. Of course, it is clear that God was not happy with them. He, like a good Father, told Adam what would happen if His rule was disobeyed. In Genesis 2:17, God informed Adam that eating of the tree would lead to death. What is interesting about this consequence God presented is that it appears that death was not a part of the plan. Furthermore, it appears that prior to eating the fruit, Adam did not have to engage in difficult work to tend the Garden.

As you read verse 17, it is clear that the bulk of the punishment doled out to Adam had to do with his work. “Cursed is the ground because of you.” Genesis 3:19 states, “By the sweat of your face you shall eat bread…” and “…you are dust, and to dust you shall return.” Genesis 5:5 refers to Adam and ends with “….and he died.” Well, that pretty much sums it up. We work, we sweat, we get bread, we eat, we die.

God promised work would require us to sweat, to toil to make ends meet, and this promise remains today. So what should we do to deal with this issue as there is not much we can do to undo the promise of God. Perhaps the best strategy to make our toil more enjoyable is to actively put things in order.

For many men, work is our #1. We are identified by what we do. Think about how many people you meet and the second question you ask them is “What do you do?” (the first question is usually their name). We are identified by what we do. Whether you are white collar or blue collar, we find so much of our identity in our work. In addition, working for the right company with the right benefits is such an important focus of our lives. Ensuring we have a good salary with a good retirement drives a lot of our focus. Even so, achieving wealth and success does not equate to achieving peace and contentment. All you have to do is look around and you can see people with everything they could ever want being as miserable as they can be. Why is this? Things are not in the right order.

Considering what Adam’s punishment related to work means is powerful. It was due to a lack of spiritual leadership that caused his work to be more difficult. Just remembering that due to Adam NOT intervening with Eve, that is what led to a cursed ground and to death. If you know any men who have things ordered correctly (i.e., God, wife, children, family, job), you may notice that they do not seem to have the same problems as those who have life ordered in a different way.

Yes to Action: Making certain the first things are the first things. Completely upending your life and the way you live is not realistic. Going cold turkey on reordering your priorities sounds great, but for many, it leads to failure. So, start small with this reorder. Simply start your day with one simple prayer. Before your feet hit the floor, prioritize God. You can choose a memorized prayer (e.g., Our Father, Hail Mary, Glory Be) or an impromptu prayer from your heart. Even something like,

“In the Name of the Father, and Son, and Holy Spirit. Amen. Dear Jesus, Order my priorities and allow my work to be placed in its correct place. Help me to become the spiritual leader my family needs. Bless me in this desire by allowing me to be able to lead spiritually while providing for my family’s physical needs. I trust You, Lord. In the Name of the Father, and Son, and Holy Spirit. Amen.”